MUSINGS IN Cb: The Natural Order of Things …
He had a temper and passion that were working in tandem, from that very day I first met him when our parents brought him home from the hospital as a newborn.
I must admit that I never understood how much so, until now.
He had a challenging road from the beginning of life, but learned how to deflect disappointment and adversity with a wink and a determined smile. However, I understood that particular subterfuge tactic, because most people do this same type of dance in self defense each day.
I must admit that I never knew how bad he was feeling inside himself at the end.
He was impulsive and had several other faults, as we all do. And, no matter how sophisticated he wanted his cool to be considered, he really was just that guy whom you thought couldn’t be genuine in his naïvety of most things we deal with in adult life – but, he truly was.
I must admit that I never understood why schools don’t teach household management and budgeting skills in every grade, since we use these skills all our lives.
He was my youngest brother and by the natural order of things, I should have gone on before him. But, he was one to never honor the natural order of things.
I must admit that I never realized his discernment would betray him.
In our family, not very many of us know each other intimately into adulthood. It is just the way it is. There are nine of us. He was nine of nine. I am five of nine. We are pictured in this post with our oldest brother – one of nine.
Three, of the four sisters and five brothers who lived beyond birth, are shown here.
We siblings were all raised to be leaders, and inherently have found our own spaces as adults. He was my brother who made a point to know me beyond our mother’s home. Circumstances of our childhood put me in a significant position in his life.
Just like one of our sisters, no matter where I was in the world, he too, made a point to keep in contact. They both truly knew my wife, our children and even our grandchildren as family.
So, I was admittedly pissed at him for a while. I was very sad too, but I did what I had to do because I know he would have done the same for me.
He will always be with me and I will always love him.
I must admit that I never realized it is okay to not understand why.
And, it is okay that there is no such thing as the natural order of things …